what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
