then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
