I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
