Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
