I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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