he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
