Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
