Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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