Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
