Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
