Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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