I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
