I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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