Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This baby is an asshole
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
