Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
