What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
