Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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