quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
