trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
