hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
birth control should be required to get into college
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
