you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
