dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
