my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
