I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
