U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
