somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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