I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
