He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
