OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Text me some of your sweat
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
