seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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