Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
