We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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