I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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