i just had sex bonerless
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
