We're like a lot better than the average bears
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
