Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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