How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
