you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Enjoy the penises
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
