I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
