Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drake has all the answers
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
