I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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