You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
