She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
