I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
