She's JV to your varsity
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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