I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am puke
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
