You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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