My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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