That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
