If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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