you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Send help, water and tortillas.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
