Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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