what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
