The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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