He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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